The words still echoed in my mind, “Your job ends in one week. Your severance pay will extend for one month.” Shock and disbelief sent me reeling as my husband shared this news over a hurried lunch. Our earlier joy of imagined roots in this growing church dissolved with this change in staffing structure. Overwhelmed by the mountain of changes that rose before me, I stared at 1Corinthians 13 from which I just “happened” to be writing a devotional. I seriously wondered how to love those I held responsible for our exposed roots, our loss of material security, and shattered dreams of ministry longevity in this place.

The stages of grief played out over time. First came denial, “This isn’t really happening!” And bargaining, “Lord, maybe You can make this job still work even if it doesn’t fit his gifting.” When reality hit, so did anger—anger at people and circumstances! Spiteful and revengeful, it exhausted itself through sleepless nights. Yet I had read, “love is not proud.” Pride refused to believe this could happen to us. Pride tried to manipulate circumstances. Pride felt cheated and rejected. And finally, Pride attempted to take root in bitterness and convince me of betrayal.

But love is humble and says, “This could happen to us because the LORD gives and the LORD takes away. Blessed be the name of the LORD!” (Job 1:21) Humility knows God sovereignly planned for this and will trust Him to either deliver or provide for us (Dan. 3:17-18). Humility may not understand, but still believes the best about my friends” (1Cor. 13:7). Love will not listen to the accuser trying to drive a wedge between us” (Rev. 12:10). Humility realizes that what happens to us does not destroy us, but rather our attitude of unforgiveness destroys us (Heb. 12:15). Humility thanks God for loving us enough to test and purify us (James 1:2). Humility asks God to empower us to cooperate with Him so His character is revealed through this trial (Col.1:11). Humility believes that even if man rejects us, God never does. Rather He chooses us for His purposes, promising never to leave or forsake us (Heb. 13:5). Humility believes God will use our greatest hurt for His greatest purposes (1Pet.1:6-7).

I can only thank God for exposing my pride through these circumstances, for the cleansing stream of His Word and the power of His resurrection that delivered me from destroying myself from the inside out. I still bow before such grace!

As I waded through these trials, our son Jonathan encouraged us to check out a new mission on the Kenai Peninsula called Arctic Barnabas Ministries. Jonathan and Becky represented this ministry to our church as mission ambassadors. We had often talked about our desire to encourage pastors and missionaries and this young couple on the Peninsula were actually doing exactly that.

In June of 2004 we visited the director and his wife in Kenai and all of us felt exhilarated and hopeful. All of us, except for Conrad who held back with doubts and reservations. He put this decision on the back burner and found piecework as a construction helper, did some painting, and finally found employment as a plumber’s gofer.

In the meantime, our daughter fell in love and decided to marry, so of course needed all that comes with a wedding. In God’s amazing faithfulness, ChangePoint people rallied and brought all the food for the wedding. Others helped financially. On November 13 we celebrated not only Charissa and Bryan’s wedding, but God’s faithfulness through His people!

A couple weeks later Conrad released his fears, submitted to the Lord, and we joined the mission. By December we sent our first deputation letter. Three things Conrad never wanted to do: raise support, fly in small airplanes, and be around bears (San Francisco city-boy). God obviously smiled at the challenge and gave us all three, beginning with support raising. Typically it takes two or more years to raise full-time support for missions. Because of Conrad’s position at ChangePoint as an elder, a counselor, and even “the man with his arms in slings,” God surrounded us with people to partner with us.

First, we had to sell our house, which God did in three month’s time—miraculously! I had a By  Design retreat to do for the Carrot River/Nipawin ladies near Prince Albert, Saskatchewan the first week of March. We closed on the house the end of February, packed our belongings in Kenai storage, and headed across the still-frozen north to Saskatchewan. Fifty years had passed since I first moved to Carrot River as a child. I counted this opportunity to minister to these precious ladies a divine appointment.

When we returned to Kenai, we spent April and May in a Kenai mission house while we looked for a house to buy before deputation. We finally chose one, paid down on it, but pulled out for lack of peace. We painfully lost our earnest money. Then back at ChangePoint on Sunday, a lady we hardly  knew, who knew nothing of our lost downpayment, handed us an envelope with the exact amount! Undeserved favor!

We flew to Portland, bought a mini van, and drove through California, Oregon, Washington, and Idaho for the next two months to raise support. We read several books on how to raise support, but one hot July day we sat upstairs in Conrad’s sister’s home in Portland and realized our complete inability to do this. We said, “Lord, if you really want us in missions, You have to touch people’s hearts to give or we don’t go. Simple.” We exhausted our deputation trip and returned to Anchorage. Eight months from the day we began, a friend at ChangePoint asked how much we had left to raise. We told him, $300 committed per month. He said, “Done!”

That was it! We headed to Kenai. . .

“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.” Romans 8:37