Cautiously I made my way down the side hall, hoping to pass unnoticed on my way to “High C” in the music room. I feared the social rejection of identifying too closely with this Christian group. My heart was divided. Mother told me years earlier to wait until I was twelve before baptism. By that time, my baptism with the other eighth graders was a formality. Though a child’s heart may be tender toward God, not until adolescence does the real testing come. Jesus says, If anyone is ashamed of me and my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man will be ashamed of them when he comes in his Father’s glory with the holy angels. Mark 8:38.

One night our youth group went to a Youth For Christ rally. Shortly into the film, several of us decided to sneak out and go to a drive-in movie instead. We didn’t have enough money, so one guy hid in the trunk while we drove through the pay gate. Mennonite kids were not allowed to dance or go to movies, but worse than the movie, I was deceitful. Afraid of being found out, the guys made sure to get us home on time. However, the other kids went for ice-cream after the rally so got home later than I did. Busted! Daddy came up to my room and confronted me with the truth. I actually felt relieved! His obvious sadness was punishment enough.

They gave an altar call at the next rally. I knew I was spiritually miserable; I knew how angry I often felt, how vulnerable to temptation, and how easy it was to yield. Acceptance by classmates had become more important to me than a relationship with the Lord. I would not surrender that. The appeal ended. Suddenly a greater fear tore at my heart, and I silently prayed for another chance.

Sometime later my mom and I went to hear a visiting missionary at another church. At the end of his message he asked for a standing commitment to Christ. I felt the Holy Spirit saying, “MarJean, I want ALL of you!” Breaking into a cold sweat, my heart pounding, I stood to my feet. Suddenly it didn’t matter who was there. I only knew Jesus wanted all of me and I wanted all of Him! That night the attitude of my heart and the direction of my life changed. God took me, cleansed me, and began to transform me. Even my parents seemed so much nicer, when actually, my attitude changed toward them. I experienced a new zeal for the spiritual growth of my friends and youth group. A love for God’s word grew in my heart and I wanted to read my Bible every night. Even at my slumber party, I invited the girls to join in my devotions. I became president of my youth group, and felt passionate about the leadership and planning sessions we did together. Obviously—GOD’s work.

I began dating a young man from our sister church in Salem. Because of the distance, we could not spend too much time together, which God used to protect us. It also kept me from interest in anyone else. One weekend our families got together at his parent’s cabin on Devil’s Lake. On Sunday morning, Steve drove the boat and I prepared to ski. I decided to take off from a sitting position on the dock. It worked great and off we flew! As we approached the dock on the way back, my dad waited with his camera. I swung across the wake (showing off) intending to grab the dock without getting wet. However, I was going way too fast! I envisioned the inevitable, fatal crash into the dock. In a split second, I leaned toward a two-foot grassy space between the dock and asphalt boat launch. I hit the grass, fell sideways, and rammed my thigh into the edge of the decking. My thigh turned black, my life was spared, barely! I did not get wet, but to this day I have a lump in my thigh at the point of impact. I remember Mother saying, “I never feel good about missing church like this.” Obviously for me, Sunday on Devil’s Lake was a bad idea, but also a harbinger—a message of warning to keep a relationship with the Lord my top priority. I’m not sure if I realized how serious God actually was about me.

Our youth groups used to travel from Oregon to California for Mennonite Youth conferences, which meant all night travel in a school bus, a lot of kids, a lot of action, and complete exhaustion. My senior year the conference offered a music and poster contest. I entered both and took first place trophies. I sang before all the surrounding Mennonite Brethren congregations with passion and conviction. At the end of that conference the president of Fresno Pacific University came over and congratulated me on my music and art work. Then he said he was looking forward to having my Dad work at the college. I was shocked! I knew I was attending the college that fall but I did not know the school had just hired my dad as their Director of Development. I wept, knowing I’d be leaving our “Pink Farm,” and. . . my childhood forever.

Over all and in all, my Creator-Sustainer had kept His hand upon me—guiding, providing, correcting, wooing, forgiving, cleansing, and loving me. My commitment to Him could not be a one-time event, but a daily relational renewal to survive all that was to come.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer you bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God–this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:1-2