Traveling back down the Alcan in February created a new adventure. The deep freezing temperatures, lack of traffic and civilization that far north can pose unforeseen danger. However, the reason for our trip felt even more daunting. My dad, earlier diagnosed with colon cancer, had undergone surgery and now opted out of lung surgery. His advancing cancer and Mom’s Parkinson’s necessitated help.

Following her graduation from Seattle Pacific University in winter of ‘99, our daughter drove a rescue truck in downtown Seattle as a paramedic. However, with her grandparents ill health, she left her job and drove up to Edmonton in January of 2001 to care for them. Our trip down the Alcan six weeks later was to help Mom and Dad move into Westview Health Care Center and bring Charissa home to Anchorage to live with us.

We made the 2,000 mile trip back, Charissa soon began work at Providence Children’s Hospital, and Mom and Dad settled into the care facility. For Mom’s 80th birthday on April 12, Dad arranged a birthday party for her in the dining hall. That night Mom awakened to his cries of pain! Getting up, his cancer-ridden femur had given way beneath his weight. April 18 he passed into glory and I vividly dreamt he pressed his warm face against mine and a flood of love encompassed me. I believe he came to say good-bye. He had told us he wanted to come to Alaska, but would have to see it on his way to heaven.

Conrad and I flew to Edmonton with Charissa for the funeral. Jonathan, Becky, four-month-old Abby, Jami, and Kristy used our van to drive straight through from Anchorage to Stony Plain, Alberta to gather for this sorrowful time.

Autumn came and one beautiful day Conrad went for a bike ride with our son’s golden retriever in tow. Upon returning, he stepped through the door looking very pale and obviously in pain. The dog had crossed in front of the bike and Conrad went down, breaking his left shoulder! As we awaited surgery on the morning of September 11, we watched the New York Twin Towers go down, which put our troubles into perspective. Inability now to use his left arm forced him to use and strengthen his right arm.

Over the next few years, besides helping Conrad with daily tasks, a faith venture called Tools for Life contracted me to write and illustrate children’s books for their curriculum. Jonathan and Jami began their own engineering company called Triverus and signed a contract with the U.S. Navy to design and build a deck cleaner for aircraft carriers. More grandchildren—Seth, Anna, Levi, and Allison arrived! Joel graduated with an engineering degree, moved in with us, and worked at Triverus with his brothers.

The church continued to grow in amazing ways under our pastor-evangelist and many people came to Christ and received the message of transformation outside of dead orthodoxy. God granted my long-time desire to teach women’s classes. Charissa also taught a class. What a joy to minister together! 109 women signed up for my first class on prayer journaling called Extraordinary Prayer. I desperately asked God to replace my prideful fears and self consciousness with love for the truth and these women. He abundantly answered!

Conrad loved meeting and ministering to people in the Resource Center throughout the three Sunday morning services, and also rejoiced to accept a new pastoral counselor position. However, a strange and indescribable chest pressure, sometimes all-encompassing and always with emotional weakness, pursued him. An EKG and a treadmill test revealed nothing. Was it physical, emotional, or spiritual? Was it a “thorn in the flesh,” a “messenger of Satan” to oppress him, or something else trying to surface in this “safe” place?

This was the appropriation part of my marriage vow, “In sickness and in health.” Such fearful scenarios rose up against me, but I remembered the promises in Revelation 2-3, “to him who overcomes, I will give. . . .” I surrendered my hope for a challenge-free marriage and resolved again to be an overcomer. At the time, we had no idea of the long-lasting and powerful effects of the pain medications prescribed earlier for his arm and shoulders. We were not connecting the dots!

Finally, Pastor Dan met with Conrad and shared the elders’ concern. He also confirmed how much they appreciated his ministry and value to them and our church family. Therefore, they wanted to offer him an opportunity to go to Link Care Center in Fresno, California—a ministry equipped with licensed and pastoral counselors for the health and healing of pastors and missionaries.

Though not our choice, we abandoned ourselves to God’s wise and loving plan. Perhaps Link Care could reveal what we could not see. However, no “lights” ever came on through these well-intentioned resources. During those five weeks Conrad and I walked a couple miles each day for coffee. . . and talked. Insights into our conservative and sometimes legalistic upbringing brought clues to Conrad’s inner conflicts and anxieties. The counselor prescribed an antidepressant for him, assuring us it was okay for Christians to take them. If only. . . if only we had known more about the long-lasting side effects of prescription drugs!

Three months after our return, our church, now renamed ChangePoint, decided to let go of several pastoral staff in order to change to a new paradigm of volunteer counselors operating under a licensed psychologist. The earth gave way beneath our feet! Not qualified for any work besides church ministry, where on earth would we go at this stage of our lives? Our four children now lived in Alaska with us. We moved here to be near them and grandchildren being born here. Without a job or an income, the reality of losing everything again loomed before us. . . .

“When I said, ‘My foot is slipping,” your love, O LORD, supported me. When anxiety was great within in me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.” Psalm 94:18-19