DAD AWAITED all the pain and trauma of his second lung cancer surgery. The Doctor told him he needed to go through with it for Mom who needed him as she struggled with her own health issues. As an incurable visionary all his life, that wasn’t exactly the retirement Dad had idealized. Caught between a rock and a hard place, the shadow of despair fell upon him and he lost his will to live.

Near the same time, my husband shook his head and whispered, “I’m not doing well.” I knew what that meant. The shadow of depression assaulted him again—stealing the hope that life would ever change. Ten months after our little church had to close its doors, my husband remained a displaced pastor. My heart sank and my own faith shook… again.

Some years later when the doc put my husband on Xanax for chest pressure, we thought nothing of it until we learned of it’s highly addictive properties. Two years ago he decided to get off the drug for that reason, which mentally took him to the edge of hell. Either a portal opened into the demonic realm or the drug so damaged his thinking that every day he walked in the shadow of death. It’s been two years. Ever so slowly the damaged cells heal, but statistically it could be another year.

Walking through the Valley of the Shadow of Death we feel afraid to die and sometimes we fear we won’t—too afraid to live with broken dreams or ongoing pain. The light of day fades into a perpetual shadow existence. Our amazing brains try desperately to figure out why we feel so messed up, why our emotions take on a life of their own. Our cognitive thinking jumps to wrong conclusions—to shadows rather than reality.

In drug withdrawal my husband’s brain (with the enemy’s help, no doubt) told him Christians don’t think such terrible thoughts. This led to tormenting fears of going to hell, of missing the rapture, of dying, of being cut off from the God he truly loves and serves. Wrong, crazy thinking! Proverbs 3:5-6 tells us to trust the Lord with all our hearts and NOT to lean to our own understanding, but to acknowledge Him in all our ways for He directs our paths.

I thank God that Psalms says we only walk through this valley, not set up permanent residence. I thank Him that shadows in themselves prove harmless. Christ’s power defeated the enemy. Lies and deceptions alone comprise the enemy’s arsenal—only shadows. Nothing more. Christ’s power alone delivers us from the depression and despair that comes when we believe shadows are real. We must cling to the reality of Christ in spite of all physical and shadowy appearances. Remember the acronym for F.E.A.R.—False Evidence Appearing Real.

Bad days and good days, but the valley of the shadow of death eventually becomes familiar to each of us one way or another. Yet, God did not leave us comfortless. His Word and His Holy Spirit lift us into the very lap of God near to His heart, whether we feel it or not. Peter comes to our rescue when he writes, “Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. . . Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. . . after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast” 1Pet. 4:12;5:6,10).

Only passing shadows. Oh LORD, enlighten the eyes of our hearts so we may know the HOPE to which You call us, the riches of Your glorious inheritance in the saints, and Your incomparably great power for those who believe…who believe…believe! (Eph. 1:18)

LIFE AND DEATH

What is life
That we cling so desperately to its vapor?
What is death
That we shun its sinister shadow?
What is God
When the vapor vanishes
And the shadow becomes light?

God is as He always was and always shall be.
For in Him is no variableness,
Neither shadow of turning.

He is the beginning and the end—
The Alpha and the Omega.
The Author and the Finisher of our faith.
He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life.
He breathed into us the very breath of life
And tasted death for every man.

He is the Resurrection and the Life.
In Him is life and the life is the light of men.
He rescued us from the dominion of darkness
and brought us into the kingdom of the Son He loves,
In whom we have redemption,
The forgiveness of sins.

He will not vanish with my tears,
Nor will He hide from me
When I seek Him.
He lives within me saying, “Here I am.”
Never will He leave me,
Never will He forsake me.

My life, my righteousness, my strength
When I have none of my own.
Even when my faith fails.
He remains faithful.

When I have no strength to cling, even to Him,
He carries me in His everlasting arms
And under the shadow of His wings I take refuge.

There is only death to my own will,
For I am bought with the price of His blood.
I am not my own.

When perishable
Clothes with imperishable,
And mortal with immortality,
When death is swallowed up in victory,
Where, O death, is your victory?
Where, O death, is your sting?

—MarJean S. Peters